Monday, March 19, 2018

Overflowing Bottle

I hate being a teenager. I remember the day I turned twelve. It's a memory that sticks out to me because I was crying so much that day. Maybe there was a fluctuation with my hormones or something, but I just remember crying and crying. Now, I am eighteen. And I still cry. But I cry to myself. I don't want others to see my emotions. I've written so many posts in the past (when I still had my old blog posts up) about keeping all of my emotions bottled up inside and not opening up to anyone. Unfortunately, not much has changed. I am still struggling to find a way to deal with my emotions. There are times when you feel so helpless and for the stupidest reasons. I think the problem with me is that I don't want people to see me being helpless, weak, stupid.

Even though the teenage years are necessary for growing up and I am thankful for all of the mistakes I've made, I can't help but think about everything that I have done and haven't done.

But I've learned that it is never good to dwell too much on the past nor the future. One thing that I learned is to be in the present. I used to hardly be present. However, over the years, I gradually changed that habit. If I have a hard time or if I am being anxious or even if I feel like I'm just stuck somewhere, I think about an anchor in my life. The mere thought of my grandmother who is now in heaven watching over me makes me snap back to reality and focus on my goals.

I know that no matter what happens or what ever decision I make, I will always be completely open with someone.


Saturday, February 17, 2018

Going Through the Motions

One of my biggest fears is living life day by day. I am afraid of falling into a meaningless routine and not working toward my life goals. I admit, I have lived out this fear. There have been days where I think, "What is my purpose? Why am I doing these pointless tasks?" as I do homework, study for a test, or even absentmindedly watch YouTube videos on my bed. I compare myself to others who are more motivated and accomplished than me. When I witness what they are doing, I feel like the work that I am doing is worthless. But I have to remember that it's unhealthy to compare myself or envy others. Everyone is at different stages, working toward different goals. Every little thing that I do contributes toward the big picture. Even if I think that a task I am doing is menial, it's not. Each step taken, no matter how big or small, will end up contributing toward my unique purpose.


[i'm happy that i decided to stay.]

Monday, February 5, 2018

Changing Pace

Throughout my entire Blogger journey from 2013 until now, 2018, I have gone through many thought processes about changing my blog for the better. No matter what it is, I am always thinking about ways to change my work for the better. I have reconstructed my blog, made a new blog, deleted that one, came back to this blog, and took many breaks. Many, many breaks. But my intention has always been the same. To make my writing better. To increase my communication skills. To make new connections with people that I would otherwise not have been able to make. Looking into this new year (let's say that January was a trial month), I will continue to make improvements to my blog. The most important aspect of blogging is, well, blogging. No matter how many new designs, sponsored posts, or followers one has, the reason that people create a blog is to write. And that is what I will continue to do. Write.